Calm amongst the storm
I've never been one to stand calm and wait for the good to come to me. I've always chased what I wanted. If I didn't, my want may change its mind and go looking for someone else to love. For instance, in 3rd grade it was the cutest boy at recess I'd chase after. By the time I reached high school, it was a starting spot on the varsity basketball team. The latest dream I had a death grip on was becoming a graphic designer with a college degree. I guess I thought if I worked harder than anyone there wasn't a chance I would not get what I was running after. I would will it to happen if nothing else. But now I'm starting to question if the running is towards something or just in circles.
With life as my teacher (no more professors, woohoo!) I'm thinking it would do more good to sit still and listen than to chase blindly. Lately, I've exhausted myself with worry and overanalyzing. I've actually become a control freak as a reaction to these mind games. Seriously. I control how the toothbrushes sit on the bathroom sink. I move them back in place if they're positioned differently than how I left them. I put ingredients back in their rightful places before Joel has used them to make dinner. I pick up before things get out of order, afraid of those messy thoughts. I make decisions at work to cover all the bases but I often miss the mark. Quality, not quantity. No heart.
“If you have patience, you have the whole world at your feet, for everything worthwhile in life comes to he who stands calm.”
This quote keeps popping up in my head as I go about my days this week. It's become my mantra I didn't consciously choose. "Stand calm. Stand calm. Stand calm." Methodical and comforting, like the rain I've been hearing at night. I think whoever wrote this was on to something. Maybe the answer is in slowing down, not speeding up. I think my body knew it before my heart and head could catch up. I was compelled all summer to take pictures of my feet in the different places I wound up. I didn't know it then but my feet were trying to tell me something."Emily, let's stand calm."
