My Winter Studio
I shut down the studio for the month of December and in true Emily fashion have spent more time in it now than I have in the last 3 months! This time of year is always a good time to tie up loose ends, brainstorm, reflect, and set goals for the upcoming year.
My studio corner with new shelf, metal cart, and rug
It's been tempting during this little sabbatical to feel like I should be doing something more than resting and going at my own pace. Turning off Instagram has helped with this greatly. It was making me sick to be bombarded with "discounts" and everyone trying to sell something so I shut that down for the season too. The clarity I've felt, woowee! I might not go back. Instagram has become such a rat race and it hinders my focus I need to create the custom design work I do and to feel present in my life. I was losing sight of what I wanted to put out in the world so this break has been rejuvenating. I feel like I'm getting myself back.
Give me all the plaid, ball caps, and duck boots.
I've mentioned before I didn't start blogging to get free products and advertise brands. There are many I love and use but I'm not trying to influence anyone despite that being the direction the blogging world seems to be going in at lightning speed. I started this space because I love to write and share the mountains and valleys of my journey as an artist.
Writing is how I make sense of the world so the terms have always been loose here. That's how life actually happens. It's messy, heavy, imperfect, scary. There are arguments and misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and trying to make it all better. There are missteps and luck and unexpected gems while you're looking at something else. All heartbeats, flesh, and bones.
I'm definitely not the place to come when looking for the latest fashion trend or interior DIY or top places to buy, well, anything. I've loved reading blogs long before starting one of my own. There are many helpful ones, especially travel blogs lately! I'm just not one of them.
I don't make money from this blog and while I've battled with wanting it to be profitable at times, it somehow never pans out that way. Whether by my own choice or others. Some days this makes me think I'm not good at what I do. Other times it makes me proud that I've kept this space free from the influence of brands and other people's agendas. Oh, a sponsored post is something I might try every once in a while, see how I feel about it, but ultimately it's a journal, first and foremost.
I wonder how big-time bloggers handle the pressure of keeping their followers engaged and happy for profits' sake. That seems like such a burden to carry and how long do you carry it? What does the business model look like for that? When I try to do similar things, I always stop. It just doesn't feel right for me.
I'm not sure why I'm telling you all of this. It sounds defensive, even to me. To you, it might seem like it's coming out of the blue but it's been on my mind lately. Maybe I am needing to hear it myself. The realigning with my values and personal goals that I tend to do at the turn of each season. It's quite tiring, I don't advise it.
All this time in my closed studio has been enlightening though. Exactly what I was hoping for when I tuned out all the noise at the beginning of December to hear my own voice again. It is a constant work in progress. I think the idea that is being sold often — that there is this easy fix for anything you want, that others have found it and you haven't — is really debilitating to our humanity, and Mother Earth.
Because nothing is a quick fix. Relationships, physical/mental/spiritual health, culture, traditions, ancestry, bathroom remodels, connection to self and others. And even when you do find a fix for something in your life, the world becomes a kaleidoscope and shifts your view or circumstance and your back to where you started sometimes.
I admit I come on here and often want everything to be perfect. The photos, the message, the SEO, a call to action as you finish reading. I love the design and curating beautiful things, after all. But other times, like today, I just want to write what's on my heart and nothing more.
Not all the other bullshit.
It's how I know this break is deeply needed. My crankiness and bitterness are giving me away. But I think it's important for us to acknowledge this part of our story too. The one that is more shadow-side than sunny dispositions.
“There has never been a time when you showed mercy toward yourself, Walks Tall Woman. You have enjoyed being active and have masked your Shadow well. The Shadow has shown you no mercy by driving you beyond all that is humanly possible. You have made promises that have actually forced you in the Shadow’s keeping. You have not abused your leadership ability by hurting others, but you have abused the trust other women placed in you as a role model. You have set an example that would break the back of any beast of burden. Donkey carries his Medicine of shouldering his load of responsibility, but he also knows how to refuse and become stubborn when the burden is too much. There is great inner strength to be found in showing mercy to yourself and in allowing yourself to be an example to other women by showing them that all humans are worthy of rest and pleasure. The example you set through making time for your needs will liberate you and every other woman who looks to you for guidance. The excuse that you do not have the time or the space to be nurtured will harm more people than yourself, giving the Shadow the upper hand.”
May you find rest and give yourself mercy too. xo, Em
