Summer book list 2022
A conversation with my mom the other day, in a frenzy where I was leaving my family for a remote corner of the world where no one would find me: “…and I have like 20 books I’m reading but I don’t remember which one’s I’ve started or where I’m at with any of them!”
“I’m the wrong person for this problem, I never know what book I’m reading!”
I’m a firm believer that the books on your shelf will tell me where you’re at in your life. One time we were staying at an aunt and uncle’s house who had recently uprooted their lives as empty nesters and had just moved into a new town. We were visiting, and the uncle I’ve always admired had his bookshelf near the basement guest room we were staying at. I snuck a peek at his current titles and it only made me admire him more.
A person’s bookshelf is nonverbal communication into the inner workings of their psyche. There, I said it! It is that deep & soulful. Let me offer you my inner psyche, ahem - summer bookshelf - for perusal:
Summer Book List
The Little Paris Bookshop – Nina George
Gift From the Sea – Anne Morrow Lindburgh (on repeat each summer)
Finding the Mother Tree: Discovering the Wisdom of the Forest – Suzanne Simard
Summer of ‘69 – Elin Hilderbrand (free little library near the park my daughter plays)
The Idle Parent: Why Laidback Parents Raise Happier & Healthier Kids – Tom Hodgkinson
Maiden to Mother: Unlocking our Archetypal Journey into the Mature Feminine – Sarah Durham Wilson
The Heroine’s Journey – Maureen Murdock
Women of the Bible: 25 Enduring Stories – Special LIFE Edition
If Women Rose Rooted – Susan Blackie
The Sand County Almanac – Aldo Leopold (free little library again, I must start giving books back!)
The Quilters, Women & Domestic Art – Patricia J. Cooper
Sunflowers, A Novel of Vincent Van Gogh – Sheramy Bundrick
Ya-Yas in Bloom – Rebecca Wells
Mama + Mini Book list (Toddler, 2yrs+)
We have graduated to library days where River is willing to go for the toys, and the toys only. When I encourage her to just pick out one book before going back to play, she has consistently grabbed titles to do with pooping, underwear, and any other excrement kids have coming out of their bodies before she returns to lego-building, rocking fake babies to sleep, and staring at older children. I like her style. Here’s what I choose for her to have my needs met at bedtime:
I Sang You Down From the Stars – Tasha Spillett-Sumner & Michaela Goade
Julían is a Mermaid – Jessica Love
Powwow Day – Traci Sorell & Madelyn Goodnight
Max and The Tag-a-Long Moon (she genuinely likes this one, gifted by Bebe) – Floyd Cooper
Babies in the Forest (board book) – Ginger Swift
No More Pacifier for Piggy! – Bernette G. Ford
Tallulah: Mermaid of the Great Lakes – Denise Brennan-Nelson & Susan Kathleen Hartung
A Rare Family
I was out the door with my copy of The Artist’s Way in the passenger seat before I noticed grabbing it.
It was a sleepless night; partly because of the wine, mostly because the little one was wide awake from witching hour until the dawn bird’s first song. I woke up dreadful. Unfulfilled, angry, resentful. It’s the booze, the baby, most definitely the sleeping husband just laying there. Luckily the first chapter kicked in quicker than caffeine and forced me to find the core fault.
“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.”
I’m fatigued with each foot dipped in separate pools. It’s like I have 10 feet! and they’re all tripping over each other. One hour I’m submerged in my career, the next I’m negotiating crackers with a toddler to get in the fuckin’ car sweetheart. Negotiating isn’t my strong suit. Toddlers are like dogs, they sense your insecurities and they pounce. My daughter eats a lot of crackers, is what I’m saying.
I may be the matriarch of this schedule for my daughter but don’t assume I like it every day. The years go fast so hold on to every moment they say as if that will stop my tears on random Sundays as her independence grows. That does not help the constant push-pull heartbreak-happiness that your child is healthy & growing…away from you if you’re doing it right. Big eye roll to the stereotypical Mom advice that isn’t advice but a passive-aggressive veil to not talk about the dichotomies we’re so clearly living in. Let’s skirt by the loud disruptive screaming in the room that some of these early days just aren’t fulfilling. Some of these days feel like you’re trying to get that spring-loaded wiggle worm back in the can and sit still for a second. It doesn’t mean you’re an ungrateful Mother to admit that. Your child still feels loved by you and wants to “hold you Mama” when the last dusk bird coos her babies to nest at night.
My mom is my biggest mother example. She didn’t have the life of an unlived parent while raising and childrearing. Not that that hasn’t brought challenging conversations with her now that I’m an adult trying to raise a child, but thank goddess she showed me a Mother deserves a life of her own in addition to being a Mother and she needn’t grovel for it at every turn. The child will have to fall in line with that to some degree as a result. This is an unpopular opinion, I’m sure. It’s insinuated in multitudes that Mother is the ultimate goal instead of a welcomed layer bestowed upon the already multi-faceted woman. When I wondered if we couldn’t have children, Mother was the ultimate goal so I appreciate and understand that season. I was that season and could be again, this is not either-or. I guess I’m just trying to navigate this mother layer in tandem with the artist layer I’m just not willing to give up and I can’t pause any longer. I’m of the belief this will benefit my daughter when she stops bugging me about the crackers.
“A rare family, faced with the myth of the starving artist, tells its children to go right ahead and try for a career in the arts. Instead, if encouraged at all, the children are urged into thinking of the arts as hobbies, creative fluff around the edges of real life.”
I’m grateful I’m part of this rare family Cameron explains. The blank stares and polite changes of the subject have reinforced this in many conversations throughout my life so far. Like the ugly duckling who doesn’t know they’re beautiful because they’re hanging out with a different bird species. Now that I’m a Mother, I know this wasn’t a family default I was born into.
It was my Mother.
She crafted it. She fought like hell for it. Together with my Dad, they made our family’s environment a breeding ground for dreaming and acting upon it throughout their many lived lives as our parents. I was the child who got to witness worlds before I ever left the nest.
Keep those feet in all those different pools. Your child’s inner artist may look back on their rare family with gratitude someday. After the therapy sessions, of course.
Touch
What do you spend your days touching?
My child’s hand.
Whole vegetables, chopped and steamed.
The pen. The paper. The favored candle in amber glass.
Skin. His. Mine.
I smile at the irony.
All this time seeking in my mind what my body spends the entirety of her day holding.
There is nothing more to do.
A Mother's Embrace
Is writing really a bad idea?
I guess it is a bad idea the same way having kids is a bad idea. Your heart will break and there will be tears and you are so tired all the time. And yet. There is also bliss. Unimaginable joy. Euphoria.
There is LIFE in all its twisted glory.
Keep on writing…—but not for success. Write to tell us your truth.
— Kati Helsinki, in a letter to Steven Pressfield
My truth — the last two-ish years I’ve been enthralled in birthing, and subsequently raising, our child. I have been roaming another world completely. I’m softly returning from a landscape of labor, trauma, pain, mysticism, magic in the mundane, anxiety, overwhelm, the deepest love, a daughter who holds the key. I faced death and therefore life. Deep tearing throbs still, breast as nourishment, wild desire, fevers, chills, a range of excrements that leave the body from clear to opaque, milky to bloody. I’m unsure if I’ve fully returned from the underworld or if the work of transformation is still happening. Maybe it always will be from here on out. From maiden to mother.
It’s all a mess and it’s the deepest being alive I’ve ever known.
The message sent to me is that these stories are for the privacy of a medical room. They are not for meal-time monologues, coffee chats, and surely not for women or men who are not parents.
It’s been my experience that the medical room is too bright, sterile, masked, and devoid of the warmth and rawness this trip through transformation requires. Not all of the doctors and nurses are to blame, they are overworked and underslept in this season of pandemic but the patient has to deal with the fallout somehow. This story needs holding. It can not be thrown into the receptacle next to used N95s and forgotten rubber gloves.
This story needs a Mother’s embrace.
Motherhood Book List
I'm obsessed with searching for authors, artists, and stories of motherhood with Mother as the protagonist. It's become a hobby of mine when the baby sleeps. Like an archaeologist excavating for lost bones to discover an answer to history, to fill in the blanks. I am searching for depth that will make me feel seen.
A storyteller that will speak her truth even if it makes her look bad. Even if it makes her liked less. I am searching for a mirror. This compiled list is what I've excavated so far:
Non-Fiction
A Ghost in the Throat
Doireann Ní Ghríofa
The prose begins, “This is a female text.”
“Composed while folding someone else’s clothes”, this is a work that is intensely domestic, encompassing the sweet mundanities of banana goo and toast crusts as well as the pains of birth and death. The rhythm of the text, its circling back to the routines of young motherhood, the tolls on and triumphs of the body, anchor A Ghost in the Throat firmly in the present, even as its imaginative forays into the past swoop and dive.
The Blue Jay’s Dance: A Memoir of Early Motherhood
Louise Erdrich
Louise Erdrich’s first major work of nonfiction, the New York Times-bestselling The Blue Jay’s Dance brilliantly and poignantly examines the joys and frustrations, the compromises and insights, and the difficult struggles and profound emotional satisfactions the author experienced in the course of one twelve-month period—from a winter pregnancy through a spring and summer of new motherhood to her return to writing in the fall. In exquisitely lyrical prose, Erdrich illuminates afresh the large and small events that every parent will recognize and appreciate.
The introduction immediately makes me feel seen.
Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself
Lisa Marchiano
“Motherhood is the true hero’s journey―which is to say that it can be as harrowing as it is joyful, and enlightening as it is exhausting. For Jungian psychoanalyst Lisa Marchiano, this journey is not just an adventure of diaper bags and parent-teacher conferences, but one of intense self-discovery.”
Written in the ‘70s yet frustratingly relevant in 2021. Censoring textbooks sound familiar?
Mothers of Massive Resistance: White Women and the Politics of White Supremacy
by Elizabeth Gillespie McRae
“Examining racial segregation from 1920s to the 1970s, Mothers of Massive Resistance explores the grassroots workers who maintained the system of racial segregation and Jim Crow. For decades in rural communities, in university towns, and in New South cities, white women performed myriad duties that upheld white over black: censoring textbooks, denying marriage certificates, deciding on the racial identity of their neighbors, celebrating school choice, canvassing communities for votes, and lobbying elected officials. They instilled beliefs in racial hierarchies in their children, built national networks, and experimented with a color-blind political discourse. Without these mundane, everyday acts, white supremacist politics could not have shaped local, regional, and national politics the way it did or lasted as long as it has.”
Anne’s dry humor makes me ok that I don’t have a toxic positivity approach to motherhood.
Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year
by Anne Lamott
“The most honest, wildly enjoyable book written about motherhood is surely Anne Lamott's account of her son Sam's first year. A gifted writer and teacher, Lamott (Crooked Little Heart) is a single mother and ex-alcoholic with a pleasingly warped social circle and a remarkably tolerant religion to lean on. She responds to the changes, exhaustion, and love Sam brings with aplomb or outright insanity. The book rocks from hilarious to unbearably poignant when Sam's burgeoning life is played out against a very close friend's illness. No saccharine paean to becoming a parent, this touches on the rage and befuddlement that dog sweeter emotions during this sea change in one's life.”
Feels like a mix between Motherhood: On Facing & Finding Yourself and The 13 Original Clan Mothers
Landscape of Mothers
by Jill Doneen Clifton
“Landscape of Mothers is a map of the places I had to go in my inner world to reclaim my Self inside my role of mother. The landscapes are the map locations: sun and moon, wind, desert, island, mountain, river, forest, and ocean. Each location has a gift that is important for mothering. For instance, Wind Mother has the gift of trust, Forest Mother's gift is belonging, and River Mother's gift is purpose. Just like when you take a trip, Landscape of Mothers offers a directory of possibilities, but doesn't determine your experience. There are "itineraries" to choose from, but the experience is your own to create.”
Another keeper for the bookshelf to always have on hand. It isn’t as explicitly about Motherhood like the others in the list but Kimmerer’s story about being a mother to her daughters are woven throughout.
Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants
by Robin Wall Kimmerer
“Drawing on her life as an indigenous scientist, and as a woman, Kimmerer shows how other living beings—asters and goldenrod, strawberries and squash, salamanders, algae, and sweetgrass—offer us gifts and lessons, even if we've forgotten how to hear their voices. In reflections that range from the creation of Turtle Island to the forces that threaten its flourishing today, she circles toward a central argument: that the awakening of ecological consciousness requires the acknowledgment and celebration of our reciprocal relationship with the rest of the living world. For only when we can hear the languages of other beings will we be capable of understanding the generosity of the earth, and learn to give our own gifts in return.”
Finding the Mother Tree: Discovering the Wisdom of the Forest
Suzanne Simard
Simard writes — in inspiring, illuminating, and accessible ways — how trees, living side by side for hundreds of years, have evolved, how they perceive one another, learn and adapt their behaviors, recognize neighbors, and remember the past; how they have agency about the future; elicit warnings and mount defenses, compete and cooperate with one another with sophistication, characteristics ascribed to human intelligence, traits that are the essence of civil societies--and at the center of it all, the Mother Trees: the mysterious, powerful forces that connect and sustain the others that surround them.
I turn to this book each month around the full moon.
The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers
by Jamie Sams
“Jamie Sams, a member of the Wolf Clan Teaching Lodge, brings us a powerful new method for honoring and incorporating native feminine wisdom into our daily lives. Combining a rich oral tradition—passed on to her by two Kiowa Grandmothers, Cisi Laughing Crow and Berta Broken Bow—with the personal healing and guidance she has experienced through her female Elders, Sams created The 13 Original Clan Mothers. Each of the Clan Mothers reflects a particular teaching, relates to a cycle of the moon, and possesses special totems, talents, and gifts that can help each of us cultivate our own personal gifts and talents.”
This is a textbook for doulas, midwives, etc. so it’s difficult to find in any Michigan libraries. It’s the only title I’ve found on the topic.
When Survivors Give Birth
by Penny Simkin
“When Survivors Give Birth is written for a mixed audience of maternity care professionals and para-professionals, mental health therapists and counselors, and women survivors and their families. The authors expertly and compassionately address the unusual and distressing challenges that arise for abuse survivors during the childbirth experience.”
There was a riff between Will Smith and Janet Hubert, the original Vivian Banks in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and this books explains why and more of Hubert’s struggle in Hollywood.
Perfection is Not a Sitcom Mom
by Janet Hubert
“From the hardscrabble streets of Chicago's south side to the famed Juilliard school to the bright lights of Broadway, I thought I had seen it all. There were crack dealers, understudies who'd put needles in your dance shoes, and backstage cat fights with some of the theatre's most brilliant divas. But through it all I not only survived, I thrived. Then came the chance to become a sitcom mom on what would become one of the most successful TV sitcoms of the 90s, THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR. Sounds like the perfect script for the perfect Hollywood ending, right? Well not exactly.”
My mind is being blown and I’ve only just started this book.
When God Was a Woman
by Merlin Stone
“In the beginning, God was a woman...
How did the shift from matriarchy to patriarchy come about? In fascinating detail, Merlin Stone tells us the story of the Goddess who reigned supreme in the Near and Middle East. Under her reign, societal roles differed markedly from those in patriarchal Judeo-Christian cultures: women bought and sold property, traded in the marketplace, and inherited title and land from their mothers. Documenting the wholesale rewriting of myth and religious dogmas, Merlin Stone describes an ancient conspiracy in which the Goddess was reimagined as a wanton, depraved figure, a characterization confirmed and perpetuated by one of modern culture's best-known legends ― that of the fall of Adam and Eve. Insightful and thought-provoking, this is essential reading for anyone interested in the origin of current gender roles and in rediscovering women's power.”
There are recipes, generational wisdom, and gentle advice sprinkled in. A book worth purchasing to always return to in motherhood.
The First Forty Days: The Art of Nourishing the New Mother
by Heng Ou
“The first 40 days after the birth of a child offer an essential and fleeting period of rest and recovery for the new mother. Based on author Heng Ou’s own postpartum experience with zuo yuezi, a set period of “confinement,” in which a woman remains at home focusing on healing and bonding with her baby, The First Forty Days revives the lost art of caring for the mother after birth.”
Another go-to for a new mother’s bookshelf. Read this in my final hours before labor so I may be biased but I doubt it. Erica Chidi also founded Loom, educational content about our sexual & reproductive well-being. Hallelujah.
Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, Birth, Early Motherhood and Trusting Yourself and Your Body
by Erica Chidi
A comprehensive and judgement-free pregnancy companion: Nurture is the only all-in-one pregnancy and birthing book for modern mothers-to-be and their partners who want a more integrative approach. Author Erica Chidi Cohen has assisted countless births and helped hundreds of families ease into their new roles through her work as a doula. Nurture covers everything from the beginning months of pregnancy to the baby's first weeks.
Novels (Fiction)
Nightbitch: A Novel
by Rachel Yoder
A friend & I are reading this together this month. Grab a book, grab a friend!
“An ambitious mother puts her art career on hold to stay at home with her newborn son, but the experience does not match her imagination. Two years later, she steps into the bathroom for a break from her toddler's demands, only to discover a dense patch of hair on the back of her neck. In the mirror, her canines suddenly look sharper than she remembers. Her husband, who travels for work five days a week, casually dismisses her fears from faraway hotel rooms….An outrageously original novel of ideas about art, power, and womanhood wrapped in a satirical fairy tale, Nightbitch will make you want to howl in laughter and recognition. And you should. You should howl as much as you want.”
Started reading this week. It is hard to read for how true it is and it is so beautifully written.
Shallow Waters
by Anita Kopacz
“Shallow Waters imagines Yemaya, an Orïsha—a deity in the religion of Africa’s Yoruba people—cast into mid-1800s America. We meet Yemaya as a young woman, still in the care of her mother and not yet fully aware of the spectacular power she possesses to protect herself and those she holds dear. The journey laid out in Shallow Waters sees Yemaya confront the greatest evils of this era; transcend time and place in search of Obatala, a man who sacrifices his own freedom for the chance at hers; and grow into the powerful woman she was destined to become. We travel alongside Yemaya from her native Africa and on to the “New World,” with vivid pictures of life for those left on the outskirts of power in the nascent Americas.”
My god do I love this book. I will read this again and again.
Circe
by Madeline Miller
“In the house of Helios, god of the sun and mightiest of the Titans, a daughter is born. But Circe is a strange child - not powerful, like her father, nor viciously alluring like her mother. Turning to the world of mortals for companionship, she discovers that she does possess power - the power of witchcraft, which can transform rivals into monsters and menace the gods themselves.
Threatened, Zeus banishes her to a deserted island, where she hones her occult craft, tames wild beasts and crosses paths with many of the most famous figures in all of mythology, including the Minotaur, Daedalus and his doomed son Icarus, the murderous Medea, and, of course, wily Odysseus.”
I’m a spiritual, not religious, person and still find this story so valuable.
The Red Tent
by Anita Diamant
“In the Bible, Dinah's life is only hinted at in a brief and violent detour within the more familiar chapters of the Book of Genesis that tell of her father, Jacob, and his twelve sons.
The Red Tent begins with the story of the mothers—Leah, Rachel, Zilpah, and Bilhah—the four wives of Jacob. They love Dinah and give her gifts that sustain her through childhood, a calling to midwifery, and a new home in a foreign land. Dinah's story reaches out from a remarkable period of early history and creates an intimate connection with the past.”
It wasn’t explained to me how this was anything to do with Motherhood when I first read it, and it made it all the better so I’m not disclosing either. Moyes is a fantastic storyteller.
The Giver of Stars
by Jojo Moyes
“Based on a true story rooted in America’s past, The Giver of Stars is unparalleled in its scope and epic in its storytelling. Funny, heartbreaking, enthralling, it is destined to become a modern classic–a richly rewarding novel of women’s friendship, of true love, and of what happens when we reach beyond our grasp for the great beyond.”
The amount of people who have recommended this book! I’m not interested in it just by reading the description but I will trust the recommendations!
The Four Winds — reader recommended
by Kristin Hannah
“My land tells its story if you listen. The story of our family.”
From the number-one bestselling author of The Nightingale and The Great Alone comes a powerful American epic about love and heroism and hope, set during the Great Depression, a time when the country was in crisis and at war with itself, when millions were out of work and even the land seemed to have turned against them.
Even more rare to find a mother-daughter combination writing about each’s experience, excited to read!
Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story — reader recommended
by Sue Monk Kidd & Ann Kidd Taylor
A wise and involving book about feminine thresholds, spiritual growth, and renewal, Traveling with Pomegranates is both a revealing self-portrait by a beloved author and her daughter, a writer in the making, and a momentous story that will resonate with women everywhere.
Short Prose
Mother Tongue is a biannual print magazine that interrogates (and celebrates) modern motherhood through diverse and inclusive stories about art, sex, pop culture, politics, food and a few things in between.
It’s not about kids or how to parent them: it’s about the nuanced lives we are living—as mothers, and much more.”
Issue 1 is already sold out but their Instagram is a close second until Issue 2 hits stands.
The Fisherwoman's Daughter, 1988 Essay
by Ursula K. LeGuin
I struggle to define briefly the pull I felt the day I discovered LeGuin’s essay, The Fisherwoman’s Daughter, in the coffee shop.
I found this free version of the essay after stumbling into this article, also feeling seen by this author and her synopsis of the essay.
Since this was recommended I’ve seen Smith’s other books, Keep Moving and Goldenrod at every store, I swear.
Good Bones — reader recommended
by Maggie Smith
“A book of poetry. Poems written out of the experience of motherhood, inspired by the poet watching her own children trying to read the world like a book they've just opened, knowing nothing of the characters or plot.”
This will probably be a growing list as I discover more titles.
The Human Experience
We walked the trail tonight, catching up after a long day of daycare drop-off, working at home, tedious errands after coffee; idiosyncrasies of new parenthood amidst a global pandemic. The pandemic lingers for new parents with infants and toddlers, the unvaccinated.
The trail provides a salve to anxieties, fear, and lethargy. Let's blame the pandemic and all that has come out of the woodwork, indeed. As a new mother, I have an inkling this is simply the beginning. Regulating all my worries and concerns in hopes my daughter will always be safe. In hopes she lives beyond my time here on Earth.
The sun drops between the rustling of almost turned maples, oaks, and walnut trees, pure gold. I let the internal chatter of all that is not subside for now. It is our greatest secret here, a large peninsula tucked between the lakes. Autumn sunsets when all the tourists disperse.
Those beyond these freshwater seas are always surprised by their expanse upon visiting. They imagine man-made ponds in their grandparents' backyard, a natural spring-fed pool on the outskirts of land flattened by agriculture.
No, not these Great Lakes — Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Lady Superior. Over 6,000 ships have met their ill-fated journey when the thirty-foot waves blow through. When the winds force snow and ice from the Northeast, most notably in November. These lakes are a sacred graveyard to thousands of captains, sailors, and voyageurs.
As I walk near their shores, witnessing a sunset that passerby will never know exists — my treasure for staying — it is more beautiful because I know the power of this water at its horizon. Is it more sacred due to the knowledge that the lake will conjure up anger as fall transitions to winter? She is threatening, and she is soft. Both emotions and more subtleties held in her blue hues. The natural neons of sunset tell me so.
We are walking our daughter. She is one year old and needs our hands to guide her; Mama on the left, Daddy on the right, fallen leaves below tracing every step closer to independence. I relish being needed by her. This time of dependency is fleeting. The next step, of course, is that she walks without the steady guidance of our arms. A transition similar to the one Lake Michigan is about to put all of us through. You can prepare to the best of your ability for the storm, but it will still do a number on you. I hold her chunky fingers tightly as if my squeeze could stop time.
Up ahead, there is an older woman with a walker. It holds her up like we hold up our daughter, her human walkers. A physical message; my squeeze does not have the power to halt the clocks as much as I try.
There is not much time to linger as her little legs power ahead in pure joy. She hasn't grasped the concept that she will faceplant into all the crunchy leaves and concrete without our hands to guide her. I continue, but I keep looking back at the older woman as we pass by, unable to shake the message that how we begin, we end. Cyclical.
The old oak sleeps and awakes come Spring.
As the woman's bent legs shuffle, supported by her steel walker, I long for someone to hold her hand instead. Heartbeats holding heartbeats. Someone who loved her or loved by her in a distant time. Like we held our young child's hands in support nearby. Reciprocity.
The core of human sadness is our disregard for honoring our Elders. We are too distracted or impatient to hear their wisdom, heed warnings from their mistakes, or listen to the rhythm of human patterns. It has slipped our conscious that we will soon be the Elder if we're lucky. Won't it be beneficial to know what is on the trail up ahead? To have a starting point to work from, whether we use it to repeat their patterns, banish them, or expand upon them. To make it better for the next tree buds preparing for their grand entrance.
I hope someone I love will walk me down the trail when I can no longer hold myself up. When I am old and gray and hopefully in the Crone season of my life.
As we putter along, they will listen to me babble, keeping my story alive. I am passing it on for safekeeping, for it to be retold. Maybe it will be my daughter. A Mother now in her journey. In the middle, where life teems with so much fullness, she'll hardly notice our secret sunset as she supports me.
I will look up the trail in time to see a little Maiden-in-the-making toddling along, held by the strength, safety, and support of her parents. Her face is bright with exuberance at her new tricks. She squeals with glee.
My neck will bend to see my old feet shuffle, happy with the full circle of human experience. The lake winds will blow as they always do. The maple leaves will rustle, a lullaby to the tune of a golden sunset. I hear them crunch beneath my soles and hers as the little one walks by.
Summer book list 2021
“Keep going, keep going, keep going.”
James Patterson gave this response to Lauren Graham’s question “How do you do it"?” at a casting dinner. She was referencing his accolades as an author & relays the interaction in her book, Talking As Fast As I Can.
My head is in the weeds. The minutiae of motherhood. In my defense, I wasn’t seeking motherhood in the middle of a global pandemic but it’s what I was given so in the weeds I’ve been as a result.
I prefer Austin Kleon’s take — I’m dormant. Waiting for the next cycle of bloom. Waiting is not my specialty. It requires faith. People craving control aren’t comfortable trusting what they can’t see, or what they don’t know, because it requires the exact opposite of what they do to feel safe. Anyways, this waiting for what I don’t even know what I’m waiting for has paused my writing until I know more. This is a mind game, of course, but I’m working through it; a summer sabbatical full of beach mornings, The Real Housewives franchise, & midnight panic attacks every so often.
This pause, however, has been wonderful for reading books. A social media hiatus freed up pockets of time formerly invested in aimless scrolling. Time scrolling was replaced with turning tangible pages of beach reads, historical fiction, local history, & that damn self-help category that keeps finding its way to my shelves. My summer book list, in chronological order kind of:
Summer Book List
The Genius of Birds – Jennifer Ackerman (part of WMEAC Book Club)
The Paris Library – Janet Skeslien Charles
Gift From the Sea – Anne Morrow Lindburgh (on repeat each summer)
The Stepford Wives – Ira Levin (part of Marcie Davis Walkers Black-Eyed Bible Study)
Women of the Grand: Their Legacy – Wallace K. Ewing
Summer on the Bluffs – Sunny Hostin
For the Love – Jen Hatmaker (gifted)
The Summer Wives – Beatriz Williams
The Montessori Toddler – Simone Davies
Workparent – Daisy Dowling
Cribsheet – Emily Oster
Talking As Fast As I Can – Lauren Graham
Mama + Mini Book list (12-15mths infant)
River enjoys racing to the end of a book to make the noise of slamming it shut, lest you think we have a 1-year old scholar. But honestly, why do we put these weird pressures on infants? To calm any unnecessary comparisons, please note this book list is compiled of titles me & family members have picked out for her:
Where the Buffaloes Begin (free from daycare) – Olaf Baker
We Are Water Protectors – Carole Lindstrom
Into the Forest (gifted), board book – Laura Baker
Besos for Baby: A Little Book of Kisses, board book – Jen Arena
World of Eric Carle, My First Library: 12 board books set (gifted) – Eric Carle
For My Mother
I’ve taken to reading leisurely by tree light as my family sleeps.
A line I will read one day amidst a pile of frustrating work I don’t want to be doing that just might change the trajectory of my choices.
But tonight, it simply is what I’m doing.
I start here. And then I click link after guided link because clicking on Austin Kleon’s writing rarely leads me astray. Suddenly, I find myself here, & then here. Ope, now I’m over here.
A pattern I’ve found in three dedications now — all completely unrelated topics —
For my mother.
It seems there are many authors who probably aren’t calling their mother as much as they think about calling her yet she is the thread throughout their life anyway.
The foundation I lay for my daughter now might make it into a dedication one day. It won’t even be my name but the rather generic, uncapitalized, word that defines millions of women. But it doesn’t really matter to me what the word is, just that my daughter says it, & the meaning it carries for her.
This is the true work.
Not to be in a dedication one day, oh no. Those are expectations I will not put upon her.
But on the days when I’m receiving pressure from external forces — day job, in-laws expectations, montessori — may I recall that rarely are dedications made to any of those things.
For my mother: the result of a presence not your burden to make others understand. Because they may never. But she will always.
Scavenger Hunt
It is hard to have hope. Then I went for a walk in the woods. There were children with their parents on the trail. They bopped along from left to right, searching for something among the trees, the fallen leaves.
On my way back to the trailhead I found what they were seeking — little painted rocks hidden in crevices along the path. A scavenger hunt put on by Mother Nature, or somebody’s mother.
Surely this game a creation from a mother — thoughtfulness with brightly painted scenes of water, land, and sky in order to stand out. Distraction from the noise of our broken world, the one we built while sleeping. Guidance to what is important to learn as a child living through a pandemic.
I’m fearful of what we’re leaving for our children. We fret over their screen time, data usage, how technology will negatively impact their malleable, growing brains. Yet we allow ourselves, their parents, a hard pass on the matter. Scrolling while they play in our peripherals, sending emails while they nourish their bellies from our milk. The answers for our children are not on the screen. The ones we as parents are addicted to, not our children.
Our children are waiting for us to wake up. To teach them, play with them, help them find the brightly-colored rocks on the wooded trail. They know what matters. It is our responsibility to show them.
thank you to the Mother who led me to this so I can remember.
Bad Mom
Chatting with a friend the other day — we felt like bad moms.
We run ourselves into the ground every day trying to do & be all of the things, while still far from physically healed ourselves. We’ve gone overboard in the new mom department. getting all the baby products we don’t need, asking all the questions to our pediatricians, & participating in all the annoying mom pyramid scheme events on Facebook “for the baby”.
Why? Both our babes are growing, breathing, & smiling.
where does this pressure come from? It’s internalized but what is the source? In the 1920s when women were fighting for their right to vote, new research emerged about child development & the need for women to stay home to be the main source for their growth. Ironic? I’m paraphrasing but the notion that women cannot have equal rights and be a good mom at the same time deserves a deeper dive. This construct continues to play out today in different forms.
It seems mom guilt is a relatively new term after talking with mothers of past generations. They didn’t incessantly question their way of mothering. They did what they thought was best within their means during their child-rearing years. Yet here we are, the following generation of mothers, juggling nursing, career, & that god-forsaken tummy time, feeling like bad moms at the end of the day.
what gives?
tee by Bee & Fox: Every mother is a working woman.
Enjoymint
“Enjoy it before it’s gone.”
It was a sign at the ice cream shop on our way to the beach. The last weekend before closing up shop for the season. It meant enjoy our product before our resources are tapped out for a while.
Or…a reminder to enjoy this moment in my family’s early season. there are days where I don’t. Enjoy it, that is. I feel shameful; how do you have a dream come true & then be “meh” about it?
because it’s hard.
because you’re learning something new.
because you’re a kind of tired you never knew before.
We had the ice cream even though it was easier to stay home in a pool of pity. Took it to the lake. Watched the waves calm her, calm us. The last of the season’s resources for a while.
Knowing it could all go away, we must enjoy it. All of it. And take care of one another.
Autumnal Equinox
New season. New routine.
I’ve enjoyed having the summer to be with my babe exclusively. I’m ready to integrate as a family into our outer world a bit more. The Great Creator knows what we can handle.
I’m ready to get back to work albeit with nerves & anxiety. So much has happened in these 16 weeks in our little cocoon. When I paused my career I was not a mother, & now I am. I wish companies in the United States would honor this transition from an ancestral wisdom standpoint. I wish they would give 4-6 months to both mothers & fathers to transition into parenthood first. How many citizens they would retain & how many employees would be loyal to them upon their return.
At 6 weeks postpartum I wasn’t going back. I couldn’t imagine being disconnected from my newborn (hormonally it’s meant to be this way). I would’ve been willing to make an extreme life change in order to stay with her. Another experienced, intelligent, profitable female employee bites the dust. Yet this is the timeframe for short-term disability for vaginal delivery before you’re expected back to work. Legally. It barely honors medical recovery for the mother & does nothing to acknowledge the child who is 100% dependent on their mother for nourishment.
But then, through a series of fortuitous events, I was given 16 weeks. by week 14 postpartum I am ready to go back. An experienced, intelligent, profitable female employee stays.
She prepares for the transition with her babe. Explains through actions & words that we are getting ready for an adventure. One that affects the entire family. it’s important we take good care of one another, little one.
Let us be intentional in our preparation.
Art as escape
Art was an escape. It called to me after I became a mother.
This was my friend’s response when I asked her out of pure frustration: how oh how does she juggle motherhood & art.
There’s a lot of literature on fathers who continue creative pursuits through their child-rearing season but I’ve struggled to find much from mothers that don’t fall dull or aren’t the mother goose version of their quotidian life.
Being smack dab at the beginning of mine (quotidian life, that is), my guess is it’s because mothers are too exhausted & frazzled to commit the time to their art. What a luxury it was. My brain literally cannot find the words for things right now. I talk, write, think in a jumble right now.
I still crave my creativity. Even in the middle of this exhaustion, this exhilaration. Right now that means monthly picture books, Christmas cards, letters to a pen pal, an environmental book club, starting a shade garden before the first frost, & coming up with a myriad of silly faces, noises, & games to get my little one to smile.
Maybe that’s why mothers have such good stories they share after their childbearing years — there’s a whole lot of inspiration when you’re just living your life.
Spring 10×10: Maternity Edition
My Spring 10x10 Maternity Edition is in the books! It was dedicated time for myself each day amidst a lot of pregnancy preparations. 8 months pregnant proved to be good timing. It was right before my energy started depleting quickly & the aches and pains became more of a nuisance.
I wish I had more maternity clothes this round but all of the dresses made it easier. I daydreamed about trendy spring maternity looks. The physical discomfort and all this staying home triggered it. Oh well, soon we’ll be welcoming our little one into the world & I won’t need any of it.
Considerations
Pregnancy Growth | Now that I’m in my third trimester, this tummy is outgrowing everything. I need pieces that will stretch with me.
Weather | Mid-50’s with a mix of rain, clouds, & hopefully sunny days. Spring comes slowly in Michigan so while I’ve chosen lighter fabrics I still need layering pieces for cold mornings & wet days. I’m not including shoes or accessories in my count.
WFH Environment | I’m back to a work-from-home environment similar to the summer 10x10. It’s nice in the sense that I don’t have any events to plan for but it’s mentally harder to get dressed when you know you’ll be at home all day. All of the team Zoom calls should help with this, I like feeling put together for them.
Goal
I want to be positive and upbeat this challenge. I’ve struggled to celebrate my pregnancy for a myriad of reasons. This phase is soon coming to a close and I don’t want to let the celebration & happiness slip away. I want to celebrate what it means, & what is coming, thanks to my ever-growing bump.
10 items
Dresses
Yellow maxi dress (Nordstrom Rack)
Floral maxi dress (Similar)
Black midi dress (Target Maternity)
Sage jersey dress (H&M Maternity similar)
Tops
Lemon Lime loungewear set (Aerie)
Denim jacket (Anthropologie similar)
White sweater (Similar)
White graphic tee (ASOS Maternity)
Bottoms
Green skirt (Thrifted)
Day 1 Can’t go wrong with a little black dress. I don’t have many maternity-specific items for Spring, trying to just work with what I got, but this simple number from Target maternity was a good choice. Side-ruching in maternity clothes makes a big difference. My bump was supported & black always feels slimming. I added pops of color with my silk Saludos but my swollen feet weren’t digging them midday.
Day 2 This was a great outfit for a cold rainy day at home. It was a last-second add borrowed from a fellow Mama. I love this cooler green neutral for Spring by way of succulents & eucalyptus stems but never thought to incorporate it into my wardrobe. Love the new hue discovery!
Day 3 My banana suit! This was a 3 am purchase I don’t recall making but I was deadset on having matching loungewear for this final trimester. There are many things about being pregnant that are disorienting. The least I can do is pretend I have my shit together when wearing this set. Normally I choose the neutral version of anything but I intentionally chose bright lemon-lime. A mood booster for sure.
Day 4 I’ve had this dress for 4 years. It was difficult near the end to wear anything with a waistband so this empire waist was a dream for comfort. Adding the denim jacket layer kept me warm for a chilly day and the florals brightened my spirits. Getting ready has been a big challenge this round, especially after nights where baby girl is doing her womb gymnastics. Braiding my hair made it easy to be ready for the next day though, a twofer. Did I just come up with a good Mama trick?!
Day 5 – MVP This sweatshirt-skirt combo is my favorite look. I love the neon-deep green combo and how comfy it was to wear all day. To make a skirt work as an athleisure style was a fun discovery I’ve never tried before but will definitely be turning to more often. Everything is soft and laidback. It’s all about comfort for my skin & sore hips right now.
Sweatshirt | Skirt | Tennies
Day 6 Super chill for a Saturday morning walk. I switched out my denim jacket for a rain jacket due to the weather. It grounded this outfit more than the denim could. I can’t get enough of my Saucony Jazz originals for my poor feet. We started our virtual birthing class which was eye-opening, to say the least. I was lazy the rest of the day — watched The Mary Tyler Moore Show from bed & ate everything in the fridge.
Shirt | Sweatpants | Tennies
Day 7 Sunny and 60º Sunday. I laid out in the backyard in my sundress. The sun felt so good on my skin. I had a renewed hope about our little one, getting on the water this summer, this lake life we live. I didn’t want it to end. Added some accessories and curls in a high pony to take videos of opening gifts from friends in the nursery to send to them as a thank you. I love everything about this dress except the fabric is very itchy on my sensitive skin. Not great for napping but great for everything else.
Day 8 Hardest day to get ready. I pushed it too hard the day before so I was out of it most of the day. Luckily I didn’t have to think much with my go-to maternity dress. I was inspired by the other ladies doing this challenge to add a headscarf. Yellow is finding her way back to me & breaking my neutral ways. I loved the hue in college. Yellow makes me feel like myself and less of who people expect me to be.
Day 9 – LVP Sunny & warm enough to wear my Chacos without socks. I like the skirt & jacket in this look but I don’t like the graphic tee. I’d like it better if it had fitted ruching instead of flaring out at the bottom. My belly already makes me feel wide & the flare accentuates that instead of enhancing. At this point, I was over the challenge. I wasn’t sleeping well & the discomfort was increasing big time. Oh well, going to finish strong!
Day 10 Floral maxi with a sweater for warmth. Spring sure does come slowly in Michigan. I added a blush floppy hat and dreamed of all the places we want to take baby girl when she arrives & when quarantine is over. I’m sure it won’t be as dreamy as I imagine to travel with a newborn but it’s worth letting yourself be optimistic & look forward to things. Especially when you see cold rain out your window. It was a great end of challenge look — comfy with a silver lining.
I love this 10x10 exercise but next round I want to try something else. The formula is getting tired. I’ve seen fun ones on Instagram like #May30x30, #GraphicQuarantees, & #notbuyingnew but they’re all sustainability-related.
That’s awesome, of course, but I’m happy with how & why I purchase these days thanks to a few years of habit changes. I’m more concerned with style in the sense of positive body image & contentment. I’m craving a lightness & organic approach to the whole thing. Especially with so many physical changes that pregnancy & postpartum bring. It gets to a point where you just want to be happy & flow, not count costs per wear & all the other crazy documenting I used to do. Call off the search & just be.
All that to say, we’ll see about a Summer 10x10. I’ll probably be in the throughs of new mamahood and I have no clue what to expect. I always feel better when I dedicate time to myself though. Look good, feel good, do good!
The 10x10 challenge originated from Lee Vosburgh of Style Bee.
Sunday Linen 02: Rebuilding
Yesterday was going to be your baby shower, little one. A celebration of you beneath the April Pink Moon, the only shade of pink you need if you ask me. It couldn’t happen as planned but your Dad & I dressed up for you anyway.
We took you to the water where, a few years ago, we promised one another our hearts in front of those closest to us (you’ll meet them all soon). Our hearts fell when we saw the land was razed, unrecognizable as the place we once stood. Holding hands, facing the world together.
They were rebuilding the dune to save it from caving in. This will be good for the dune in the long run but we caught it in the in-between moment where you can’t tell if you’re witnessing destruction or rebirth.
Your parents are rebuilding too, little one. Reinforcing the foundation so you have solid ground to stand on when you get here. We don’t know what we’re doing really. We look around & the changes are overwhelming. It’s not how we remembered it to be.
But we held you, in our Sunday best, making promises by the water like the ones that started this family those few Harvest Moons ago.
Holding hands, facing the world together.
Spring Equinox
“Nature makes its own concordances as a mere outgrowth to its movement; it is we who see structure and give names to pattern.”
Beginning my third trimester on the first day of Spring calls for a celebration, yes? The rain is falling as lake gusts howl, bringing in the season I’ve longed for since Autumn.
Motherhood — a sacred, messy, humanizing time. I’ve plunged to the depths of a world I’m not sure I’m properly equipped for. I lack an explanation for the topside world on my current location, even to my nearest & dearest. I am different than I was yesterday. I will be different again tomorrow.
It’s scary to be compassionate amongst uncertainty but softness is strength. We hurt, then we heal. Unfolding is the ultimate sign of faith that all will be okay amidst unknown outcomes. My fears exhaust me and they’re contagious. Fear breeds fear. The last thing I want my little girl to be before she even enters the world is fearful of it. She needs me to provide on all levels. Fear is not genetic but my energy is felt in the womb. How is it not? My womb is me. She must feel what I give to her as I feel what she gives to me; late-night kicks, provisional demands, an unconditional purpose.
What do I do in times like these?
First: cocoon. The required stage before a blossom of wings. A cocoon’s exterior appears to be resting but its inner workings are anything but solitary. The beauty forthcoming cannot exist without this sacred season. As with all things, there is a natural time limit. We cannot stay in this protected & comfortable home forever.
And so, second: emerge. The butterfly does not fly instantly from her chrysalis. She first must pump fluids into the veins of her wings. An effort is required to unfold before we can celebrate flight. We know what comes next, we are antsy for what we see on the horizon.
Third: fly. We are not here yet, you & me, a mere season away. The makeup of Us intertwined a while longer. A most awkward stage in-between emerging and flight, the hardest for your Momma to endure. Hurry up, but wait. I hold on despite my unknowing. Trust.
Catalyst to your chrysalis, little butterfly. Wings are coming soon.
Sunday Linen 01: Cabin Fever
It was a cabin fever weekend if I ever saw one. We barely set foot outside as the snow fell heavy. Only caught the cool air when I let Tiger outside, then inside, outside again. Our days are defined by the times we let the dog in & out. Or in this weekend’s case the pace at which Joel switched the laundry from washer to dryer, the dirty dishes from the sink to dishwasher, cookies in the oven until the timer dinged.
Let the candle burn all day until she let her own flame out.
I tussled at length with my weekday mindset. Always worth the fight to keep your true nature in check. It’s harder now to do so though. My self is no longer the only priority. This little one demanding space in my swollen belly has something to say now too. I take pride in my intuition, that gut feeling. Is it harder to hear because it’s full of hope & heartbeat?
The signals are getting crossed, enough to knock me off balance by the hour. Enough to know half a dozen cookies will satisfy me, the apple should satisfy experts defining what makes a good mom — I have both so her & I will be happy. It’s not logic, it’s what gets me to the next meal. The next big decision.
I look at my shape in the mirror as I walk past, glimpse the little home holding her tight until she’s ready to meet me. I smile, finally. Looks like my gut has it under control. Doesn’t need my mind to worry one bit. The process is in motion. I can either get on board or miss out on this entire season completely.
I’m not one to forfeit a good time.
Winter 10×10: Maternity Edition
My Winter 10x10 is a bit fuller this year. The pace of 10 days, 10 items, 10 looks is a good framework during this fleeting season of pregnancy. It was also a great way to discover my maternity style. When I started the challenge I was like, why aren’t there any 10x10 maternity styles?! I double-checked on Pinterest & Instagram and nothing. No one, in all of the internets, has documented a 10x10 maternity edition…until now!
I was on day 5 when I had extreme sciatic back pain followed by a week of influenza flu. I quickly understood why mamas-to-be don’t do shit like this while expecting. Your body undergoes so many changes from week to week. Planning anything too far in advance is too high of an expectation to set when pregnant.
But I powered through by pure spite & accountability to complete the first 10x10 Maternity Edition on record. If someone has done it, please let me know! I’d love to hear how it went for you.
Considerations
Pregnancy Hormones | Need pieces that easily layer to account for fluctuating body temperature
Weather | Mid-February temps are in the high 20’s with lake effect snow. I’m not including shoes, hats, or outerwear in my count. Michigan weather you need to be prepared for a range of weather, often on an hourly basis.
Office Environment | I don’t have any events but I’ll be in an office most days which isn’t something I’ve had to consider in the past. I work in a laidback environment with our brand being outdoor enthusiasts but I don’t want to wear an item on back-to-back days.
Goal
I want to feel confident in my bump by the end of this challenge. The state of my closet was the last thing on my mind when we found out our life flipped upside down, rightfully so. But my past style no longer fits, literally & figuratively. Getting ready has been frustrating with my new shape. I’m definitely grateful, humbled, & so excited to be carrying our little one. It’s easier to celebrate when I’m not feeling frumpy though.
10 items
Tops
Vanilla sweater (Burton)
Olive babydoll blouse (Pink Blush Maternity)
Black basic 3/4 length tee (Pink Blush Maternity)
White graphic tee (ASOS Maternity)
Bottoms
Black joggers (H&M Maternity)
Ochre chinos (ASOS Maternity)
Denim (Target Maternity - similar)
Olive joggers (Under Armour - similar)
Extra
Black ribbed midi dress (Target - similar)
Patterned fleece vest (The North Face)
Day 1 I love this babydoll top. At first, I thought it counterproductive to get a looser top thinking it’d make me look bigger. But the tiered look & ruching made me feel the most feminine out of all of the outfits. I should be able to wear it for the rest of my pregnancy too, unlike some earlier maternity tees I’ve already grown out of (5 months currently). Also a fan of these Target maternity jeans with crossover panel. This outfit made me feel like I was wearing a regular outfit which was nice after all my first-trimester style struggles.
Day 2 I loved this athleisure look and the color combination of blush, dark green, and vanilla tones. I’ve had these Under Armour joggers for years. This is the first time I’ve worn them in a work setting. Funny enough these joggers received the most compliments in a corporate setting, further proving the informal & athleisure trend is really hitting everywhere.
Day 3 – MVP I felt very Parisian leisure in this look. Probably not a thing, & nothing the Parisians would accept as “fashion” but I like it. This look was a good mix of comfort yet feeling put together enough for a day of meetings. Another jogger win with these maternity ones from H&M. I liked the mismatching patterns between my shoes & bandana too. Same color family, different pattern. I definitely want to do this more for the Spring!
Blouse | Joggers | Bandana | Keds Platform Sneaker (similar)
Day 4 The first day I wore my wild card vest from The North Face. I never valued the point of a vest until now. It seemed silly to keep your core warm while your arms are bare in the elements. Now I’m hot all the time, to the point that I’m not wearing a winter jacket in 32ºF weather, so I’m fond of vests now. Played with neutral patterns again & really liking the more playful aspect. My team inspires me — they pattern mix & play with fun colors all the time. I’m slowly breaking out of my neutral & basics shell, VERY slowly. These ochre chinos were an immediate fave from ASOS maternity. They don’t have a crossover panel which I prefer. Let the belly breathe!
Top | Vest | Chinos | Cabin Fever Ballcap | Fields Chelsea Boot
Day 5 A simple mix of items from the first half of the looks. The vest looks totally different in this look from Day 4. I love its versatility and how soft it is. This was a good Friday outfit at the office where I was moving a lot of things around to get a retail display ready for an upcoming Spring product launch. It was also the day my sciatic nerve pain was at its peak & I was completely miserable. Despite all the misery, I’m pleasantly surprised how not intimidating this challenge is anymore. I used to freak at the halfway point with how I’d manage to style for part 2 but no longer.
Day 6 It was still freezing by the weekend but I started enjoying the perks of my hotter pregnancy temps — fewer layers! It was Valentine’s weekend so I wanted to dress up a bit even though my back was on fire & we were going to a casual restaurant with some friends. I ultimately punked out & wore other items from the challenge for dinner but love this look. Super easy to piece together & I’ll be wearing again definitely.
Day 7 – LVP Bleh! I abhor this outfit. Maybe I was agitated by the continued back pain that wouldn’t let up, or that nothing in life seemed to be “working” this day but I hate this outfit. This top with these chinos just wasn’t it and matching the color of my blouse with my shoes felt weird too in this case. I maybe looked better than I felt but this outfit will never be on repeat again. lol.
Day 8 This is now my go-to lounge outfit for the rest of the winter. I love it. Think my hair & makeup done make it look cuter. This was day 1 of isolation due to catching the influenza flu. We were in triage the night before until midnight which was emotionally draining in addition to the flu symptoms I’d already been trying to fight for a few days. Probably why Day 7 look felt so shitty. I’m actually surprised I even continued to do the challenge with how miserable & scared I felt. I’m not one to quit.
Day 9 Still had the flu, no clue how I managed to put looks together. The athleisure look was perfect for my physical therapy appointment and laying on the couch, heading into a weekend of the flu that was the worst week of my life. Ballcaps & beanies were a go-to throughout the entire challenge. It made the casual looks put together but different enough from day-to-day.
Day 10 This black midi dress is the MVP. I’ve worn it since early on in my pregnancy and it just keeps working with my growing bump. I love that its long sleeve with a mock-neck and lightweight cotton. I dressed it down for work with a beanie, sneakers, and my moon crescent necklace after recovering from the flu. It made me realize that transitioning from pants to dresses for the Spring is probably my best bet for comfort.
There it is, the first 10x10 maternity edition to grace the internet. I actually only used 9 items in 10 days because I forgot about an item. I didn’t wear the white graphic tee! I realized on the last day which proves how much easier this challenge gets after having a few under your belt. I thought I’d need more items for pregnancy discomfort or emotions but apparently not.
It also showed me maternity style can be functional, comfortable, & stylish amidst weekly intense changes. It’s inspired me to do a Spring 10x10 Maternity Edition if I’m feeling up to it. Keep a lookout!
The 10x10 challenge originated from Lee Vosburgh of Style Bee.
Letter to a Girl
A walk through the park and the stories that unfold because of it.
We saw a bunch of school kids playing on our walk around the park the other day. Plaid skirts and ties, navy tees whizzing by in the sunshine – uniforms getting them acquainted with conforming early.
I recognized how the children played, how these groupings don't change much as we become adults: Two children jumping on a fallen tree branch watching the leaves dance as they balanced on the limb.
A couple of "explorers on the open sea" with little hands curled around curious eyes, their telescope for a better view of what's on the horizon.
I passed a group of girls with baseball mitts, playing catch. In the open field behind them, dodgeball – beet red and sweaty faces running around.
Learning how to win. How to lose.
And then I saw the little girl all alone, with the exception of her book. She paced between the limb bouncers and sea explorers. A safe distance on the outskirts yet within earshot. I knew her completely as she clung tightly to the world under her arm, hesitant about the one in front of her. Present, but not entirely.
She saw me as I passed by so I smiled, trying to send comfort through the worlds between us. I imagine that to her, I looked like an adult smiling back. How badly I wanted to tell her that pacing between concrete places is not a weakness. Please don't let the world make you feel small for that. That book, love, keep holding it tight. Then I wanted to tell her, “when you inevitably begin to stand out for being an individual, KEEP. STANDING. TALL.”
It is there you will find – you. Because the day will come when you're the woman walking by a park, seeing a past version of yourself between worlds, and you'll hope the same for her as I did for you;
That she soon discovers HER WORLD is the most beautiful place to be.
My Thoughts on the Women's March on Washington
My thoughts on the Women's March: An essay on what inspired me and what we can do to support each other peacefully.
There are moments in life we need to respond to immediately and there are moments that are best to let simmer. The Women's March on Washington needed to simmer for me. I needed to know what my own beliefs were before I hopped on to someone else's. I needed to know the foundation I was standing on, the one that will keep me standing tall when weaker foundations crumble.
I needed to reflect on why I'm so angry and where that anger is coming from. I had to dig back in my archives and recall the experiences that have made me feel belittled, confused, and mocked because of someone else's insecurities they thought was ok to hand off to me.
These experiences are on my skin and in my bones and digging them up was a process that called for solitude and personal acceptance. Humans are so very good at avoidance. I'm not saying I'm healed or have a grand plan but I'm ready to share how the Women's March made me feel and the highlights inspiring me to stand up for myself every day:
Senator Kamala Harris at the Women's March on Washington
“We the people have the power. There is nothing more powerful than a group of determined sisters marching alongside with their partners and their determined sons and brothers and fathers, standing up for what we know is right. And here’s the thing, we know that it is right for this nation to prioritize women’s issues…
’Kamala, talk to us about women’s issues.’
And I’d say, ‘I’m so glad you want to talk about the economy.’
I’d say, ‘Great, let’s talk about the economy because that’s a women’s issue.’
I’d say, ‘You want to talk about women’s issues? Let’s talk about national security.
You want to talk about women’s issues? Let’s talk about healthcare. Let’s talk about education. Let’s talk about criminal justice reform. Let’s talk about climate change.
Because we all know the truth. If you’re a woman trying to raise a family, you know that a good paying job is a woman’s issue. If you’re a woman who’s an immigrant who does not want your family torn apart you know immigration reform is a woman’s issue. If you’re a woman working off student loans, you know the crushing burden of student debt is a woman’s issue. If you are a black mother, trying to raise a son, you know black lives is a woman’s issue. And if you’re a woman period, you know we deserve a country with equal pay and access to healthcare including a safe and legal abortion protected as a fundamental and constitutional right.
So all of this is to say my sisters and brothers that we are tired as women of being relegated to simply being thought of as a particular constituency or demographic…
We are a force that cannot be dismissed or written off on the sidelines…”
Alicia Keys "Girl on Fire" at the Women's March on Washington
When Alicia Keys starts with Maya Angelou's poem "Still I Rise", you know you're going to get chills from the power of prose.
"...Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your womanliness. Thank you for your strength. Let us continue to honor all that is beautiful about being feminine.
We are mothers, we are caregivers, we are artists, we are activists, we are entrepreneurs, doctors, leaders of industry, and technology. Our potential is unlimited, we rise...
Until everyone respects Mother Energy and everyone with a belly button must agree...We. Are. Here."
Of course, it's not the same as watching the entirety of her piece. See it here.
Warrior Prayer by Lakota Women at Women's March on Washington
A few women from the Lakota tribe started everyone marching with a Woman's Warrior Prayer. With the drums and the eagle feather and the voices of a battle cry booming over the speakers as women marched, I had chills from the energy and something rose in me that felt so powerful. I was honored to be able to witness this prayer.
If you watched the Women's March on Washington or participated in one of the marches around the world that day, you know there are a lot of topics being addressed. I have come to terms I can't wholesomely support each one because I'm not directly affected or may not feel it as deeply as others yet I do wholesomely support everyone's right to have a voice for the fights and freedoms that feel closest to them.
The fights and freedoms I'm closest to right now are equality in the workplace, bodily integrity, and inclusiveness for all. I understand as a white middle-class woman it may seem I'm too far away from cultural and diversity issues to understand this fight but I'm here to learn. I've acknowledged my bubble and I'm trying to pop it (we all have bubbles to challenge). I hope I'm met with as much peace as I'm trying to exude.
These few and multiple others are a tall order and I'm confident we'll rise to the occasion to acknowledge there are key human issues imbalanced currently. We're trying to course-correct and we can do it together. I think a good way to support the positive change the Women's March lit a fire to is taking digestible bite sizes. One day at a time. If you want to be a catalyst for change, you must start on a small scale and watch the ripple effect take place.
Be a revolutionary in your circle first and watch that circle expand.
When you're at a group dinner and a friend makes a statement that feels belittling or oppressive, don't laugh along with everyone else. Ask them why they feel that way.
When your doctor prescribes pills for something you know is a deeper feminine cycle issue, say no. Go to a different doctor and tell the doctor you walked away from that the solution given wasn't a solution and you won't support it.
When you're uncomfortable in a situation because you recognize you have biases you never realized were biases, face them so you can change them. Don't hide. Don't shut down. Don't say what you feel on Facebook if you can't say what you feel to the Face right next to you. To the Face sitting across the table from you. To the Face in the mirror.
I can't say I've signed up for a group or a protest or been a voice like so many women I know and admire who courageously have been but I am doing my part in my own way. In digestible bite sizes I can handle.
And you know what, I've got to get a little tough love with women specifically. I've had many experiences where I don't feel a woman has treated me the way she's looking to be treated. In my personal experience, there are some women saying they support me as a woman in business or as a friend but they're the same person cutting me down as soon as I start to have success with my goals or want to celebrate an accomplishment.
We need to stop doing this to each other, myself included.
If we are to stand rooted together there needs to be less shallowness among us (seriously, you're pissed she has the same purse as you?). There needs to be less gossip behind the scenes when it appears support is being shown to another woman in her venture. What's that saying about a wolf wearing sheep's skin?
If you're a woman supporting women in any way, you need to be more thoughtful in your relationships with women. Start on a small scale and watch the ripple effect take place. One-on-one relationships have been my main focus lately because they're intimate, real, and small daily actions that make up your whole life.
If you're interested in joining me on the journey of personal awareness and community consciousness, please do. Let's meet each other where we're at.
Here are a few resources I've been supporting or am planning on attending some upcoming events:
Let's do this together. Email me at emily@emilybodecreative.com.