Top Nine 2020
Top Nine 2020
Formerly known as Best Nine, the Top Nine of Instagram results are in. The top 9 posts on Instagram, based on likes, are selected for the year. I haven’t seen anyone post these this year so I’m guessing it’s not cool anymore. I still enjoy seeing my grid at the end of each year though so here we are.
2020
2.2k likes in 44 posts
50 likes/post
The amount I posted this year decreased by 50% & with that likes/post decreased. My Instagram account was completely private in 2020. I didn’t use it as a portfolio or blog aggregator like in past years. The numbers fairly reflect that. I’m more private about my daily life as of late. I thought less app time meant less influence but I’m sad to admit that wasn’t the case. Instagram is a consumerist machine now, by design (eww.), & I no longer wouldn’t or couldn’t keep up with the rat race. Working in marketing for a retail brand made it hard to leave entirely. It’s a key indicator of our online audience which affects my role on the team. I engaged with it less this year personally though due to pregnancy, new mamahood, & the pandemic. It was a relief to think for myself again; my self-worth was attached to Instagram success a lot in 2017-2018. Since then I’ve worked hard to intentionally & routinely set stronger boundaries with it. Creeps up on ya if you’re not careful!
About 40% of top photos were pregnancy photos, 30% about discovering my family values in real-time, with another 30% of photos related to having a career during early motherhood. That’s 100% of photos related to a woman’s journey to motherhood. Very accurate because motherhood is all-consuming. It affects everything from the woman as an individual to her marriage, her relationship with her family, how she wants her immediate family to grow in partnership with her partner, & her career.
Most of the posts I wrote during my maternity leave this summer were deleted but if they hadn’t been, they were some of my top posts. It suddenly felt too personal to have my daughter’s face with my tender thoughts meant for her only, displayed for everyone to peer into. I was getting to know her for the first time after 10 months of anticipation. The blue light glaring in her nursery felt exploitative so I put our photos with my words elsewhere for safekeeping. Not before Mamas sent notes of love, encouragement, & optimism that only one Mother can give to another though. I leaned HEAVY on the Mama IG community of mine in the final weeks of pregnancy & the first months of Mamahood. I have no regrets. If it wasn’t a pandemic, I probably wouldn’t have but my Mama friends are the one thing about Instagram I’m truly grateful for this year.
“Together” | Artwork by Quentin Monge
My 2020 IG goal was to follow accounts with unpopular opinions, strong messages, & inspiration. Girl did I. If 2019 was about minimizing who I followed to under 100 accounts, 2020 was about maximizing my followship double-fold. I followed more people who don’t look like me, AKA basic white bitches. I renewed my childhood love for the WNBA, am here for intersectional environmentalism, oogling over Pattiegonia, & getting my white privilege checked by Dr. Kiona. Following doesn’t do much by way of tangible change but reading people’s stories changes the landscape of our minds and from there new worlds are created. I’m hopeful for what’s on the horizon by way of empathy, compassion, & sensitivity. This is really for no one but me, just happy to recognize a personal goal realized.
2021
I honestly wonder if I’ll even have an Instagram in 2021. I’ve been holding onto it because I put so much work into it in the past that I thought deleting it completely would feel like a waste of all my time. But now, Instagram is just in the way of my actual life. An added obligation on my already endless list I can’t keep up with. The ROI on friendship, connection, & self-worth sucks.
The real world just wins every. single. time.
Even the shitty, ordinary parts of the real world win over the glossy parts of Instagram. I’m fatigued seeing curated lives online & then talking with people in real life where what they’re saying doesn’t line up with what they’re posting. It doesn’t bother me that they post the highlight reel, I do the same. I just prefer the conversations I have with them in real-time. If the lack of time with people this year has shown me anything, it’s that the time we do have with another is the most valuable – in the most essential way, time is the only most valuable thing we have with people. And I’m tired of throwing that all away for appearance’s sake.
Maybe I won’t delete IG but I’ll have an account that has to do with something other than myself. Ha, what a concept!
2019
5.2k likes in 90 posts
55 likes/post
2018
15.5 likes in 177 posts
88 likes/post
2017
9.2k likes in 113 posts
81 likes/post
2016
3.1k likes in 95 posts
33 likes/post
Enter your Instagram handle [here] to see your Top 9. What are you most proud of this year?
Scavenger Hunt
It is hard to have hope. Then I went for a walk in the woods. There were children with their parents on the trail. They bopped along from left to right, searching for something among the trees, the fallen leaves.
On my way back to the trailhead I found what they were seeking — little painted rocks hidden in crevices along the path. A scavenger hunt put on by Mother Nature, or somebody’s mother.
Surely this game a creation from a mother — thoughtfulness with brightly painted scenes of water, land, and sky in order to stand out. Distraction from the noise of our broken world, the one we built while sleeping. Guidance to what is important to learn as a child living through a pandemic.
I’m fearful of what we’re leaving for our children. We fret over their screen time, data usage, how technology will negatively impact their malleable, growing brains. Yet we allow ourselves, their parents, a hard pass on the matter. Scrolling while they play in our peripherals, sending emails while they nourish their bellies from our milk. The answers for our children are not on the screen. The ones we as parents are addicted to, not our children.
Our children are waiting for us to wake up. To teach them, play with them, help them find the brightly-colored rocks on the wooded trail. They know what matters. It is our responsibility to show them.
thank you to the Mother who led me to this so I can remember.
Bad Mom
Chatting with a friend the other day — we felt like bad moms.
We run ourselves into the ground every day trying to do & be all of the things, while still far from physically healed ourselves. We’ve gone overboard in the new mom department. getting all the baby products we don’t need, asking all the questions to our pediatricians, & participating in all the annoying mom pyramid scheme events on Facebook “for the baby”.
Why? Both our babes are growing, breathing, & smiling.
where does this pressure come from? It’s internalized but what is the source? In the 1920s when women were fighting for their right to vote, new research emerged about child development & the need for women to stay home to be the main source for their growth. Ironic? I’m paraphrasing but the notion that women cannot have equal rights and be a good mom at the same time deserves a deeper dive. This construct continues to play out today in different forms.
It seems mom guilt is a relatively new term after talking with mothers of past generations. They didn’t incessantly question their way of mothering. They did what they thought was best within their means during their child-rearing years. Yet here we are, the following generation of mothers, juggling nursing, career, & that god-forsaken tummy time, feeling like bad moms at the end of the day.
what gives?
tee by Bee & Fox: Every mother is a working woman.
Someday
I like the angle Austin Kleon takes with his blog — it’s reference material, notebook sketches. He writes to discover what he’s thinking (many a writer claims this). Eventually, he finds a thread to unravel further, a topic resurfacing in different forms, a root with which to pull from.
I’d like to write a book someday.
No particular reason. Just enjoy writing. Always have.
I’m in no shape to write a book currently. The throes of early motherhood are nary a time to reflect deeply. Or to strategize. Survival mode, baby. Popular quotes allude to “someday” being the antithesis of following your passion.
To which I say, timing is everything.
Until then, I keep writing.
Enjoymint
“Enjoy it before it’s gone.”
It was a sign at the ice cream shop on our way to the beach. The last weekend before closing up shop for the season. It meant enjoy our product before our resources are tapped out for a while.
Or…a reminder to enjoy this moment in my family’s early season. there are days where I don’t. Enjoy it, that is. I feel shameful; how do you have a dream come true & then be “meh” about it?
because it’s hard.
because you’re learning something new.
because you’re a kind of tired you never knew before.
We had the ice cream even though it was easier to stay home in a pool of pity. Took it to the lake. Watched the waves calm her, calm us. The last of the season’s resources for a while.
Knowing it could all go away, we must enjoy it. All of it. And take care of one another.
Who can you trust?
Can you change a person’s mind? Can you make them see your point of view? Can you see theirs? How do we teach empathy? Is it possible to not agree, to feel as if you’ve been wronged by another person & love them anyway? Forgive them anyway? Against your logic, your ego, & your baggage?
we are all being asked to look within for our own truth. being influenced by another has gotten out of hand. How do you know who to trust?
Start with yourself.
Autumnal Equinox
New season. New routine.
I’ve enjoyed having the summer to be with my babe exclusively. I’m ready to integrate as a family into our outer world a bit more. The Great Creator knows what we can handle.
I’m ready to get back to work albeit with nerves & anxiety. So much has happened in these 16 weeks in our little cocoon. When I paused my career I was not a mother, & now I am. I wish companies in the United States would honor this transition from an ancestral wisdom standpoint. I wish they would give 4-6 months to both mothers & fathers to transition into parenthood first. How many citizens they would retain & how many employees would be loyal to them upon their return.
At 6 weeks postpartum I wasn’t going back. I couldn’t imagine being disconnected from my newborn (hormonally it’s meant to be this way). I would’ve been willing to make an extreme life change in order to stay with her. Another experienced, intelligent, profitable female employee bites the dust. Yet this is the timeframe for short-term disability for vaginal delivery before you’re expected back to work. Legally. It barely honors medical recovery for the mother & does nothing to acknowledge the child who is 100% dependent on their mother for nourishment.
But then, through a series of fortuitous events, I was given 16 weeks. by week 14 postpartum I am ready to go back. An experienced, intelligent, profitable female employee stays.
She prepares for the transition with her babe. Explains through actions & words that we are getting ready for an adventure. One that affects the entire family. it’s important we take good care of one another, little one.
Let us be intentional in our preparation.
Screen time
My thumb hovers over the screen.
End of the day. transition to the next season. Hard news about a friend.
I try to tap a square that will make me feel good again. Less tired, more inspired. I deleted them all. For moments like this when I am weary. When I am more than fried looking to fry some more.
Thank you past me for thinking of the future me. You’ve never needed what can only fit into a box.
A Freelance Mindset
The skills I learned to survive as a freelance designer has come in handy for navigating both parenthood & pandemic. The biggest piece: mindset.
it was important to have rituals get me from one mindset to the next when freelancing full-time. the environment wasn’t changing — I worked, lived, & played from home. rituals transitioned me away or towards work.
Mornings started with exercise & breakfast (something for me) before client emails & meetings (something for them). I was in control of my day instead of the client determining my day. We were all in it together. I could remember that was true if I gave time to myself first.
A couple of hours of focused work, then food again. it was often with a book, podcast, show, or nap. topics unrelated to work. Sometimes it was out of the house (library, coffee shop, porch, trail) to truly step away from the physical place of responsibility.
Afternoon work was often slower, more distracted with personal errands & tasks, but work nonetheless. the day would end welcoming Joel home, a walk with Tiger, a glass of wine on the porch, or a beer at the local watering hole in the winter. Dinner with friends, a show, workout, or a book. bedtime routine.
rinse & repeat until the weekend.
Not very glamorous but it took me years to discover a template. I’m proud of my findings. I enjoy the stability of a routine. then breaking it here & there.
It’s important to know triggers & red flags. Then you can combat them. “Ok that helped. that didn’t.” You troubleshoot, you’re in conversation with yourself, & you keep going.
I’m grateful for freelancing first in my career. It gave me the essentials of boundary-setting, personal reflection, a wellness-first mindset, & daydreaming.
Now I use those tools for both parenthood & pandemic. who would’ve thought?
The World
A year ago she pulled my first tarot cards.
I was in Seattle for work. Finished the trip with a visit to my cousin & his girlfriend’s place. I’d spent the week in a swanky hotel in the heart of the tech boom. My cousin lived in Capitol Hill. In a novel from another time they were beatniks. Refreshing after the breakneck speed I was coming from.
After guacamole & rum tiki drinks around town, she did my first tarot reading. There was a line of them, a reason for each. I only remember the last — The World. It represents a milestone coming full circle. A goal accomplished. An ending making room for a beginning.
That tech boom event in Seattle was my last. Flew home by the light of the Harvest moon, closer than I’ve ever been to Her. I was pregnant soon after.
Do I believe in the cards? Oh, I don’t know.
But I believe in that moment.
Sandy toes
May I always live in a home where there are sandy toes. Because that will mean I’ll be in a home near the water near the beach by some trail to catch a sunset.
Joel looks at houses the way I check out books from the library — hopeful each one has the potential for dreams to be realized. He sends listings to me throughout the day. Slips in a comment about a feature he knows I’ll love in between flipping Sunday eggs & diaper changes. I am half-listening while he is full dreaming. The season we’re in, I suppose.
But just like this little lodge by the lake, the one I skipped over at first drive by, I will know when my sandy toes step over the threshold.
Until then, these sandy toes like the way they feel when they touch the hardwood, the jute rug, on the way to the shower before bedtime on the first of the Autumn days.
The perils of Instagram
Dax Shepherd made a statement that stuck with me on the latest episode of Armchair Expert. He said when we try to mimic other people’s formula in order to be liked, it’s a quick way to failure. You won’t strike a chord with anyone because you’re not being you.
It was related to his acting journey but it resonated with me with my writing. Somehow writing on this blog morphed into thinking I had to be an influencer on social media. It became about trying to do what I thought other people liked of me. My value was dependent upon a heart emoji.
I started blogging before Instagram took off. There weren’t widgets yet to connect your Instagram feed to your blog. I didn’t think it’d get to me or make me question myself as it has.
But it got to my head. Especially when my audience was growing & my value was being validated by responses to an image. It was more difficult to stay true to what I enjoyed writing about because how & what I like to write about isn’t very interesting.
So what Dax said really struck a chord because I think a lot of people go through this, many times in a life. You’re noticed because you’re different, then liked because you’re the same, & it’s easy to get caught in between this battle of self. Especially if you’re someone who doesn’t like to disappoint people.
Art as escape
Art was an escape. It called to me after I became a mother.
This was my friend’s response when I asked her out of pure frustration: how oh how does she juggle motherhood & art.
There’s a lot of literature on fathers who continue creative pursuits through their child-rearing season but I’ve struggled to find much from mothers that don’t fall dull or aren’t the mother goose version of their quotidian life.
Being smack dab at the beginning of mine (quotidian life, that is), my guess is it’s because mothers are too exhausted & frazzled to commit the time to their art. What a luxury it was. My brain literally cannot find the words for things right now. I talk, write, think in a jumble right now.
I still crave my creativity. Even in the middle of this exhaustion, this exhilaration. Right now that means monthly picture books, Christmas cards, letters to a pen pal, an environmental book club, starting a shade garden before the first frost, & coming up with a myriad of silly faces, noises, & games to get my little one to smile.
Maybe that’s why mothers have such good stories they share after their childbearing years — there’s a whole lot of inspiration when you’re just living your life.
Begin again.
What if I published my writing every day? A question I’ve asked myself half as long as I’ve been blogging.
the time is never right. I’ve made this excuse year after year. I’ll start in January. I’ll start on my birthday. I’ll start randomly & tell no one. I won’t start at all because it’s a bad idea & I’ll fail. Or I’ll be interrupted. Or it will stress me out & I’ll quit another project. Again. Or I’ll get bored. & quit. Or it’ll leave me unfocused on what I care about. So I’ll quit.
Obviously, the trending fear here is that I’ll quit.
just like my very first post 7 years ago: to begin, begin. And in this case: to begin again, begin again.
we’re living in a time where everyone makes grand gestures for little things. My daughter will have more pictures & letters written to her from me during the first months of her life than she’ll ever care to sift through. We celebrate the teeniest of milestones. Brushed my teeth today. Buy the same exact toothbrush I use to have the life that I have. Everything has to feel like “an event”.
this practice leaves me drained, out of tune with the point of gathering & making things, & feeling like I can never keep up with the Joneses. There are too many Joneses.
but enough bitching. Was just jumping back in to ask the question, “what if I published my writing every day?”
30
Thirty: the year of relinquishment. In only the most optimistic, freeing sense.
Pushing through & demanding victory at all costs does not heed the desires I have any longer. I enjoy winning & beating everyone but my dad at HORSE in basketball but this isn’t what I mean by resignation. I mean melding into the new person I’m becoming. having little expectation this first year of a new decade. Nothing grand. Not quite “back to the drawing board” & not quite “full steam ahead”!
I want my family healthy, celebrations modest, & our hearts full but not at the expense of others. Not a pause but a silent reworking.
Shifting like sand on a breezy day. when walking the dune gives question to your location on the way back through. the path shifted while you were in awe of the lake in front of you.
Relinquish:
+ rules no longer fruitful
+ traits no longer defining
+ goals out of habit
+ the constant search for balance
make room for old traits with a new outlook. Daily. I geared up for surrender to what was meant for me last year when I alluded to a “ghost year”. It brought me a harvest moon pregnancy, a step towards an environmentalist career, a strawberry moon baby, deeper depths in love, & an *almost* debt-free existence.
relinquishment to myself - Emily Grace, let it unfold. These untouched layers yet within you. You thought you knew it all. The path for you. The goals to reach. Yet you kept finding when given the fork in the road, you were pulled to paths you’d “never” take. It was there you started finding yourself.
keep your eyes open but observe right now. old things have revived with new outlooks. Relinquish control of the outer, so you can listen to your inner. There is so much more to explore.
no need to chase it. The path will continue showing itself to you. Have faith.
August | Life Lately
Life lately in tune with the monthly full moon cycle. Includes current books, music, & lifestyle recommendations.
Happy August Full Moon! If you’ve been here a while you know this is my favorite time of the year. This August I turn 30. Plenty of reflection going on as I enter a new decade. A decade that always felt so far off. I can barely keep up with how much change has happened! A little 10-pound ball of sweetness & smiles may have something to do with that also. Redemption by Warsan Shire hit home for me this month. Watch Beyoncé read the poem. It’s a million times better in spoken word, especially from Queen Bee for Lemonade album.
Every Mother is a Working Woman tee by The Bee & The Box
My 30th birthday | Like many people’s plans for celebrations this year, my 30th birthday has been watered down to the essential. Joel had grand plans to rent a boat on Muskegon Lake for family & friends to watch the sunset over the lake. It was going to be mermaid-themed everything; outfits, drinks, hors d'oeuvres. Then we got pregnant. Then the pandemic hit. Now it looks like my birthday will be the 4 of us safely alone at my in-law’s cottage with a pontoon ride in the middle of the week (fingers crossed!). My parents gifted me with a beautiful concrete mermaid for the pollinator garden I hope to have next year. Mermaid; the symbol of transformation. Joel asked me what I wanted last weekend on the lake & I said a bonfire with my closest people all around. By the time we reached our porch, they were all there. The fire was started. It seems I got exactly what I wanted after all. If that isn’t the lesson of 2020, my Goddess, what the hell is.
The fourth trimester | I knew it’d change my life when I became pregnant last year but I had no clue it would be such a tectonic shift. Our baby girl has changed what I prioritize. My values, identity, interests, all of it. Each day I am a Mother, I’m convinced the fourth trimester needs to be 100% dedicated to babe & mama for presence, growth, healing, & development. This time has been a blessing. Every woman should have the right to paid maternity leave with fair standards in place when a woman returns to work. The United States is the only developed country that legally doesn’t have to pay women on maternity leave with a handful of other maternal injustices. Why aren’t women in a collective upheaval? Probably because they’re so damn tired raising children while being the matriarchs of their families. I’m in the middle of researching a lot on this topic & what can be done.
WNBA 2020 Season | I’ve started watching the WNBA again. I played basketball my entire life then got away from it in my 20’s. What better time to focus on my love for the game than this new decade after bringing a baby into this world during a pandemic?! Ha. I patiently wait for my body to be ready & for the pandemic to be over to get some pick-up games going at the park. In the meantime, I’m watching the WNBA. $17 for a WNBA league pass to watch all the games through September. Not only are these women top athletes but they’re using the entire 2020 season to protest the social injustices in our nation. To keep the conversation going about Breonna Taylor & Sandra Bland. Each game presents a platform to raise exposure to these systemic issues. The best part? This is nothing new for the WNBA. they’ve done this all along. It’s what happens when you have a group of badass women playing for something bigger than themselves.
Currently
Reading | Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Listening | The Michelle Obama Podcast
Watching | Expecting Amy by Amy Schumer
And with that, this is my last full moon monthly post. 36 moons later I’m ready to hang my hat on my monthly documenting of our life lately in tune with the moon. It has been a wonderful three years of trying new design styles & writing formats through my love for the moon. I’ve found fellow moon lovers because of this series & gotten much more in tune with the moon through my research, the rhythm of the phases, my menstrual cycle, & so much more. The moon, of course, isn’t going anywhere. And I will continue to look up to her all year round like I always have. You can see all full moon posts here.
As always — Happy Full Moon, friends! xo, Em
July | Life Lately
Life lately in tune with the monthly full moon cycle. Includes current books, music, & lifestyle recommendations.
Happy July Full Moon! Our baby girl is here! She came right when she wanted to, not a minute sooner or later. I’m so proud of her. Every year when the July Thunder Moon rolls around I think back to the first full moon party we hosted when we first moved to our little lake town. I made a ton of cheesy moon-themed decorations and snacks with a moon-inspired playlist. The bistro lights hung off the back deck, chairs around the bonfire. But as its name suggests, a thunderstorm rolled in so we all ended up drinking beer in our messy, humid garage watching the rain pour on the pavement. It was magical. This is my favorite time of year.
The fourth trimester | We’re in the heart of the fourth trimester with our little one, and all that entails. A lot of healing, recovery, rest, learning all about being first-time parents, asking for help, really really needing help! Every day we learn our daughter more & more, and the transition gets easier in little ways. It’s this wild ride of time moving at a snail’s pace, and moving lighting fast, all at the same time. Some days I can’t catch my breath & other days I have the most clarity about my life, purpose, our marriage, family, & all the layers in-between.
Fourth of July | Our 4th of July looked a lot different than in year’s past. For a decade we’ve gone North for Bode family time at the lake, the annual Greatest Fourth in the North 5K, & parades on the golf cart. This year we were home as sleep-deprived new parents trying to figure out what our little girls cry meant, just grateful to step foot outside for a few minutes at a time. We started the Taking Cara Babies Newborn class which has been super helpful learning what a newborn wants based on their cues & ways to create an environment for them to sleep comfortably. It was the first day in 2 weeks we had over 2 hours of sleep at a time! We celebrated with margarita popsicles while watching her sleep on the video monitor. Oh, how our life has changed!
Slow summer at the Moon Lodge | We anticipated this being a very slow summer, even without a pandemic on our hands. The first couple of weeks with a newborn was probably the hardest to transition into an even slower pace than we were already in the Spring. Summer is truly our jam, we wait all year for it. It’s the best time to live near the lake. So we had a little selfish FOMO we’ve been working through and keep reminding ourselves that this is one summer that we’re not doing what we would usually do. Plus, these quiet moments with her are so precious, I’m already missing them even while I’m right in the middle of them! I started writing again near the end of the month while she naps. It’s a dream come true, a vision unfolding.
Currently
Reading | Born a Crime by Trevor Noah
Listening | Trevor Hall playlist on Spotify
Watching | Agent Carter on Disney+
Honestly, it’s weird writing this full moon post. To you reading it may appear as everything is smooth sailing. One month we’re waiting for Baby, the next we have Baby. This past month has been anything but smooth sailing. As I write in this consistent pattern from one moon to the next as I have for 3 years, I’m not the same person I was 4 weeks ago. I’m not the same woman since they laid my little one on my chest & she looked immediately into my eyes. I’ll never be the same, thank Goddess and my goodness. You can see all full moon posts here.
Happy Full Moon, friends! xo, Em
Black Lives Matter
Artwork by Quentin Monge
This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. Listening, researching, self-reflection, talking about the white policeman David Chauvin murdering the unarmed Black man George Floyd & the wave of nationwide protests that have rightfully followed. The murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor have shown as a mirror my reflection of complacency to speak against injustice.
See current news source for more details here, here, & here.
I regret not saying Black Lives Matter openly earlier. I tip-toed around it when expressing how the 2017 Women’s March inspired me to act on women’s issues. I was close to saying it in full during the 2018 Fall 10x10 Challenge when the #10x10representationmatters conversation opened my eyes to minorities in the sustainable fashion industry. It’s taking much inner work to dismantle why a statement I believe in is difficult to vocalize. I think it stems from my unconscious biases.
I fear the people I’ve hurt most with my negligence to vocalize their lives matter are my Black friends. I rationalized they don’t want to hear it from me, but don’t we all want to feel seen & loved by our friends? Especially our friends. I like to say I live by the moniker “actions speak louder than words.” Actions might speak louder than words, but words must first talk to turn up the volume that is action.
I’ve become hyper-aware of my responsibility to make lasting changes in my life as a first-time mother (my daughter is due next week). To teach her and live by example, I have a lot of unraveling to do. The people around her are crucial to her growth in being a conscious, empathetic, informed, and compassionate human being as well.
It starts with words. Let us steadfastly hold one another accountable for the actions that must follow. We can do it together. Grace & patience for our inevitable missteps, but once we know better, we must do better. There is an urgency to begin now. For my family and me, I desire the long game of anti-racism (please click the link for the definition even if you’re uncomfortable). To foster a safe, just, and equal world for our children different from the world in which we grew up.
Who I’m listening to:
Brandy Gueary of Authentically.B — Brandy is 40 weeks pregnant & due any day now. I love following her pregnancy & Dr. appointment updates. She recently talked about self-reflection & having grace for people as we navigate how to dismantle racial injustices. Especially while pregnant needing to keep a healthy mental mindset for baby amongst the chaos & national unrest.
Erica Chidi — Erica is the author of Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, the pregnancy book I’ve found the most helpful so far. She writes like a warm hug. When you’re scared & anxious about how the baby will come out & how the baby is about to change your life, she is the person to listen to. She has a digestible list of books by Black women authors with an encouraging note to white women on how to navigate internal & external discussions on racism. She also spoke to prioritizing mental health parallel with anti-racism work to avoid burn out & not to place the responsibility of learning as white women onto Black women who are not offering. This is DIY work.
Vote — Short-term change can be made at the next election. State primaries in Michigan are in August 2020 followed by the presidential election in November 2020. Former President Obama gives me hope & a starting place to make real change with resources from the Obama Foundation: Anguish & Action.
June | Life Lately
Life lately in tune with the monthly full moon cycle. Includes current books, music, & lifestyle recommendations.
Happy June Full Moon! I wondered (& secretly hoped) our little girl would join us during this Strawberry Moon but she’s going to hold on a bit longer. We’ve had a lot of family members guess her name is Luna. I received texts this weekend sending well wishes related to the moon & baby. I feel seen, & very full myself. There is a lot of heaviness & awakening opening us all up this week. I have had hyper-awareness & sensitivity to it yet trying my best to balance with the joy & focus to welcome our little girl safely into the world very soon.
Preparing for parenthood | How does one prepare for parenthood? I’m not sure you do but Joel & I have done many things we think will help prepare us. This last week before my due date I keep being told rest, rest, rest. I’m going stir crazy. We have the nursery finished, clothes organized, heck all of the closets in the house organized, the bassinet is assembled, Joel renoed the screened-in porch, the car seat is installed, hospital bags are packed, & so much more. I think of Wale’s song The Matrimony when Jerry Seinfeld t’s up the song with commentary: “It’s like any growth. You can’t be ready for it because it’s gonna be new. You’re gonna have a new life, you’re gonna be a new person.”
100 Days of Blue Mind | To counter the anticipation I have about this “new life”, I’ve joined Wallace J. Nichols’ annual Blue Mind Challenge. For 100 days — Memorial Day to Labor Day — blue mind is a daily practice to focus your attention on the water surrounding you or to intentionally seek it out. From lakes to rivers, oceans to your water bottle, water is an essential part of our daily life. I’ve taken its healing powers for granted but the magic of water keeps showing up for me in very symbolic ways lately. The timing is divine. I’m journaling about it privately for now but a lot of fellow water worshippers are sharing their challenge here if you’d like to join. Katherine from Lake Effect Co. has a great description that inspired me to join here.
Black Lives Matter | As I’m sure many of us are doing, I’ve been processing the murder of George Floyd & the avalanche of progress & tension the resulting protests have created. Especially through the lens of becoming a mother, raising a white child, & the responsibility that entails. Regardless of the inner work I’m doing, I stand with the movement in both gratitude that there is a collective microscope on our nation’s deeply rooted inhumane issues and grief that it has taken so long to get here. Our generation has the power to make real change for a better world. I’m feeling called to Intersectional Environmentalism & how I can be of impact in my town.
Currently
Reading | Blue Mind by Wallace J. Nichols
Listening | Cream & Sugar: Rest by Black Coffee With White Friends
Watching | Shine On with Reese
I love the moon so much because she is a constant. When I look up at her I feel a connection to the deeper meaning of life & how we are all connected as humans on this planet. Sometimes it is simply unexplainable & I don’t even try to define why I love the moon so much. It is an energy I feel not a logic to put language to. I will never get it right to everyone I meet — maybe a mantra for everything; social justice, motherhood, family ties, friendships. But the inner work of self-love will exude to the outer work. The moon’s light reminds me of this. Try, try again. You can see all full moon posts here.
Happy Full Moon, friends! xo, Em
May | Life Lately
Life lately in tune with the monthly full moon cycle. Includes current books, music, & lifestyle recommendations.
Happy May Full Moon! I’ve enjoyed the front row view of Spring emerging in our neighborhood. Watching the buds on the trees begin to unfold. People have had a more acute interest in the moon lately. We all live beneath the same One. There’s something to rely on. This is the last moon cycle before we meet our little girl. Removing anything nonessential to her best interest is my priority right now.
Preparing for Mamahood | As much preparing as one can do for something they’ve never done before. There are two camps of Mamas at this stage; one prepares for every possibility not realizing the scenario they didn’t think of is probably the one they’ll be presented with. The other has little to no desire for preparation at all deciding they’ll figure it out once it’s in front of them. I am in the first camp wishing I was in the second. Pregnancy is a big ole mirror you can’t look away from. So I wash her onesies, her little bloomers. I fold them, unfold, refold again, and surrender into this wave. Ready or not, I am so excited to hold her.
Spring 10x10 | I finished a 10-day style challenge just in time before my belly outgrew most of the items. I’ll probably be wearing most of Joel’s clothes from here on out. It was a nice routine to get through another stay at home extension and bring more color into my wardrobe. More than the clothes I enjoyed knowing 5 other women were doing it with me. I don’t know what people are doing right now but a handful of us suited up in denim jackets at the same time to face our days.
Boat | We got a boat! Getting it ready for a summer on the lake. Where will your newborn be, you ask? Snoozing in the closed-bow cuddy, of course! Having a boat to putz around the bayous, river, and Lady Lake Michigan has been a dream of ours since we moved here. We’re a few maintenance projects away from her maiden voyage. My neighbor told me what BOAT stands for — Bring Out Another Thousand — so we’ll see how it goes. The way Joel’s face lights up every time he sees it out the window makes it all worth it. Can’t wait to get it out on the water!
Currently
Reading | The Spirit Almanac: A Modern Guide to Ancient Self-Care by Emma Loewe & Lindsay Kellner
Listening | Stevie Nicks Radio
Watching | The Last Dance
I love how the full moon and Mother’s Day are connected this year. When we found out we were pregnant we couldn’t have known milestones would fall on meaningful moon phases & holidays. What has shown up has been what we’ve needed. I’ve been brought to my knees in fear and uplifted in joy above my body, often by the hour. I’m trying to hold true and honor this sacred space I’ve been given. I go back & forth between wanting to share my experience in-depth to keep private this sacred time for me and my family. Based on all of the recommendations, notes, & thinking of you texts, there is a group of women who know exactly what I mean. Thank you, Mamas. I have needed you so badly & you have shown up. You can see all full moon posts here.
Happy Full Moon, friends! xo, Em